Does Online Dating Work?

For cute, smart ladies, online dating isn't always a good option.  To me, online dating is for mediocre matches, and if you consider yourself exceptional, you're already at a disadvantage.  Thus is my dilemma around online dating.


From the way you describe yourself to the photographs you post, you're probably thinking... "I have all of these great attributes about myself, I don't have to over-sell it" right?  Well, that doesn't always translate well to the online community.  Personally, I find myself to be "overqualified" for online dating.  8 years ago, it was the perfect way to connect with people I might have been interested in dating, but now... I've come too far.  My career is too advanced, my interests are too sophisticated, my grammar is too precise. 


The types of profiles I see and am attracted to usually say things like: "I love to travel and experience new things..."  Now, that sounds like an interesting person right?  Yes!  Except for the fact that when I actually start speaking with them, they've only started to travel, and it's because they went to Las Vegas this year for their friend's bachelor party. 


As someone who has been traveling on my own since the age of 13, it's very difficult for me to wrap my head around a grown man of say 35 or 40 years old, who has only been within a 500 mile radius of where they grew up.  We would never work.   We would never work because there'd be too many things that are core to who I am, that he would have to learn. 


I don't want to harp on the fact that well traveled means something different to many of the men I meet online, without speaking to the core of why online dating does not really work for cute, smart women. 


In my experience, the men I'm most attracted to (by sheer profile alone) declare that they want someone intelligent, but the moment you say actually show your intelligence, they back off.   Maybe it's the same issue as the well traveled definition, where these guys don't actually know what intelligence is and when I show that I am more intelligent than what they were looking for, it becomes a problem. 


Ultimately, I think online dating does not work for the cute, smart, single lady because we tend to gravitate toward actual relationships and away from hook ups, and with the evolution of online dating and the access of computers and internet connected devices to the masses, it's become the norm that most guys putting out feelers online are not really looking for the long term relationships.  This gives rise to apps such as Tinder which are so superficial, that it should have just been called "booty calls."

Real Life Story - Dating Fail

When I lived in NYC, in addition to meeting men out and about, I'd meet men via online dating.  Sites like Match.com and E-harmony were still decent places to meet quality men.

I met a guy (we'll call him Drew to protect his privacy) on Match.com and we decided to meet for a date at a restaurant in Brooklyn.  Now, this place was a favorite of mine so I was a pretty regular patron.  But, he actually picked the place and went so far as to tell me that he was friends with the owners.  Okay, I didn't care too much about it.  But, funny enough, the owners were more familiar with me for being a regular than they were with him, who claimed to be friends with them. Hmmm... sign number 1?

This restaurant is known for having great mojitos and caipirinhas, so I ordered a caipirinha as we waited to be seated for dinner.  All throughout dinner, Drew talked about his Wall Street salary and his Wall Street bonus and how he used it to buy a townhouse in Brooklyn.  Okay, I didn't care too much about that either.  Hmmm...sign number 2?

So, for those of you who don't know me, my personality is that of a comedian.  Meaning, the more you brag about what you have, the more likely I am to make a joke about what you have.  But I digress...

During dinner, I ordered another drink, and Drew told me that I'd had enough to drink...yes, after one drink... Hmmm...sign number 3?  Maybe he thought I was drunk because I wasn't impressed by his posturing and his transparent methods of trying to lure me in with his wealth and influence.  I must have been drunk to not care about those things huh?

Anyway, the date went basically to my expectation.  A guy who looked really good on paper, turned out to be completely self absorbed and controlling.  He was also somewhat, self aggrandizing.

At the conclusion of the date, I was going to stay at the restaurant in hopes of salvaging my night, but he offered to stay as well, so I decided to cut my losses and leave.  He walked me to my car, and when we arrived at my car which was parked around the corner and half was up the block from the restaurant (thankfully), he stopped to talk some more.

He said to me "I had a really good time, surprisingly, we should do this again!".  Okay, that was the final straw, not only did I not have a good time, but there's no reason why a good time out with me should be "surprising."  So, I cracked.  I told him, "I'm glad you had a good time, I on the other hand, would not like to do this again." I didn't want to crush him, but I also didn't want him to treat women like this is in the future, so I decided to give him a piece of my mind.  I suppose it was easier than having to dodge his calls and emails in the future, so, maybe I did it for myself as well.

The moral of this story is, sometimes, a prince on paper ends up being a frog in real life.