Real Life Story - Dating Fail

When I lived in NYC, in addition to meeting men out and about, I'd meet men via online dating.  Sites like Match.com and E-harmony were still decent places to meet quality men.

I met a guy (we'll call him Drew to protect his privacy) on Match.com and we decided to meet for a date at a restaurant in Brooklyn.  Now, this place was a favorite of mine so I was a pretty regular patron.  But, he actually picked the place and went so far as to tell me that he was friends with the owners.  Okay, I didn't care too much about it.  But, funny enough, the owners were more familiar with me for being a regular than they were with him, who claimed to be friends with them. Hmmm... sign number 1?

This restaurant is known for having great mojitos and caipirinhas, so I ordered a caipirinha as we waited to be seated for dinner.  All throughout dinner, Drew talked about his Wall Street salary and his Wall Street bonus and how he used it to buy a townhouse in Brooklyn.  Okay, I didn't care too much about that either.  Hmmm...sign number 2?

So, for those of you who don't know me, my personality is that of a comedian.  Meaning, the more you brag about what you have, the more likely I am to make a joke about what you have.  But I digress...

During dinner, I ordered another drink, and Drew told me that I'd had enough to drink...yes, after one drink... Hmmm...sign number 3?  Maybe he thought I was drunk because I wasn't impressed by his posturing and his transparent methods of trying to lure me in with his wealth and influence.  I must have been drunk to not care about those things huh?

Anyway, the date went basically to my expectation.  A guy who looked really good on paper, turned out to be completely self absorbed and controlling.  He was also somewhat, self aggrandizing.

At the conclusion of the date, I was going to stay at the restaurant in hopes of salvaging my night, but he offered to stay as well, so I decided to cut my losses and leave.  He walked me to my car, and when we arrived at my car which was parked around the corner and half was up the block from the restaurant (thankfully), he stopped to talk some more.

He said to me "I had a really good time, surprisingly, we should do this again!".  Okay, that was the final straw, not only did I not have a good time, but there's no reason why a good time out with me should be "surprising."  So, I cracked.  I told him, "I'm glad you had a good time, I on the other hand, would not like to do this again." I didn't want to crush him, but I also didn't want him to treat women like this is in the future, so I decided to give him a piece of my mind.  I suppose it was easier than having to dodge his calls and emails in the future, so, maybe I did it for myself as well.

The moral of this story is, sometimes, a prince on paper ends up being a frog in real life.

Dating is a Numbers Game

Dating is a game of numbers. Whether you prefer online dating or meeting people out and about, you have to kiss enough frogs to find your prince. One of the most difficult challenges cute, smart women face is finding an equal. But, until you've dated a variety of men, you really might not have any idea about what an equal actually might look like.

Question: If you're attractive, do you feel like you deserve to date someone equally as attractive? 

If you said yes, then you need more help than I'm willing to give in this post. Basically, you don't "deserve" anything more than anyone else, no matter how you look! You should concentrate on the qualities that don't fade over time, personality, intelligence, charisma, dare I say... swagger! Looks fade, so if looks are your number one priority in finding a suitable match, good luck. You're likely to find yourself looking again in no time flat. 

Question: If you're smart, would you ever be happy with someone you deem "not as smart" as you? 

Possibly. Don't bother to discriminate based on resume. Not everyone had Harvard tuition money growing up. You might be surprised by where you meet men who are interesting and smart in ways that you're not. Getting to know someone is more than crossing items off of a checklist. It means understanding the way they think and approach life. While they may not be able to succeed in your chosen profession, they might surprise you with their talents in other arenas. Being too picky is the smart woman's curse. Don't fall into the trap. 

So, remember to be open minded in terms of your dating options because the numbers game has to be played.